July 25, 2013


Dress - Target, Necklace - F21, Shoes and Cardigan - ModCloth
Hm. Where to begin? I guess first off, I have to apologize for my lack of posting for the last (could it be?) nearly two months. It's definitely the longest hiatus this blog has ever taken, and I am so sorry for my military silence. The cause of my absence was multi-fold, attributed partially to work, partially to a lot of travel, and partially to helping a good friend cope with the loss of a loved one. But if I'm being totally honest, which I admit I'm sometimes a bit afraid to be on here, a large contributing factor to my absence on this blog is that I just haven't been feeling very good about myself over the past several weeks.

I started this blog almost three years ago because I felt like I had finally reached a point where I felt confident and happy and content with who I was. It took a long time for me to feel that way because being a petite and curvy is just not something I grew up thinking was acceptable in my culture/community/family (have I mentioned that my mother and sisters are my height but each weigh less than 100 pounds?!). When I finally reached the point where I felt like I could happily accept that not all petites are cut the same, I started this blog because I knew there were other amazing women out there who maybe needed help learning to be comfortable in their own skin.

But I guess carving out my own little space here on the Internets doesn't mean that I don't sometimes need some support in feeling good about myself too. Several weeks ago, I noticed that I had gained a bit of weight. Not a lot, but just enough for me to notice it, and it wasn't until I had been absent from this blog for weeks that I realized that I was feeling pretty low in the self esteem department. I just didn't want to have my photograph taken, and the photos that I did take made me unhappy. I didn't even want to shop because I didn't like how clothes looked on me. Let me repeat: I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO SHOP. Clearly, something was very wrong.  BSMMH's mantra from the beginning was "look good, feel good," and I realize now that the mantra can go the other way too: when you don't feel good, you don't think you look good. 

So there I was, about to drown my troubles in...I don't know...a pint of Ben & Jerry's when I realized that I needed to get out of my funk, not just for myself but for BSMMH. That's right, you anonymous readers of my little blog here motivated me to take control of my sinking psyche and do something about changing my outlook. Because it's one thing to let myself down, but a whole other unacceptable thing to let you all down. So here I am, back and feeling better (although not yet the best). I've decided that feeling healthy is a part of feeling good about yourself, so I've started exercising and eating better, and just taking that proactive step has done wonders for my mindset. I'm sure I haven't lost a pound (and that's not my main motivation), but I feel so much happier and that has put me back on track with my "look good, feel good" philosophy.

If you've read this far (sorry for the novel!), I just want to apologize for the abandonment and to say a big THANK YOU so much for being a supporter of BSMMH...you don't know how much that means to me! If it wasn't for you, I may never have gotten off of the couch and out of my funk. I promise not to leave you again without explanation like that, BSMMH followers...here's to looking good and feeling good!


Nancy said...

Thank you for your honest thoughts. It's my first time posting a comment, but a long time follower. I personally love your blog and I'm glad you are back. And I just wanted to say from reading all your posts... you are one fierce, fabulous woman!

KK said...

Aw, thank you so much, Nancy! Your comment made my day!

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